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Remort
*
Back then I was a giant, known far and wide as the ravenous leviathan,
perhaps due to my penchant for tossing beastly fidos down like
peanuts... I preferred them lightly salted. After a rapid rise through
the levels and some titanic struggles in Nine Hells, I was considering
the prospect remort, and feeling some anxiety about it.
*
My race counselor in Midgaard had suggested I go with dwarf. Giant
was great for a single class warrior, but awkward for a creature
attempting to encompass the arcane capabilities of the cleric. I knew
I had to take cleric. A brush with obliteration by a buxom and
belligerent tier 8 in the combat zone had me contemplating my
mortality and my sinful nature. I wanted to get right with the divine
forces.
*
So I said aye to dwarf and spent a few weeks at giants anonymous,
talking with other individuals of preposterous bulk and stature
about just how ridiculous it was being a giant - how difficult it was to
find a decent pair of bowling shoes, for example. Eventually, I felt
ready to take the plunge. Not only would I remort into cleric class,
I would rebuild as a dwarf.
*
They say the remort chamber is different for everyone, as the
projections and peccadilloes of each personality come into play.
The room appeared dark and cramped to me and I was barely able to settle
into what seemed to be an overstuffed easy-chair. I had expected
something clean and clinical, with perhaps a hot bath available
for a thorough scrubbing before remort, but no such luck.
The room was almost crumbling and smelled of molasses.
Tattered Aerosmith posters clung to the walls.
*
I settled in and began working my way through the list of commands.
Got burned badly on the rauction. No one told me maces were
passe among the lemming-like masses of the aardrealm. Finally, I was
set and simply pulled the remort lever. What followed might be
described as a precipitous descent into unbeing. The room was gone and
I experienced my gargantuan bulk liquefy into a gelatinous porridge, then
evanesce into a shimmering vapor, and then dwindle into void. I was
nothing. I was atman/Brahman, the pure consciousness in which
the intricate concatenations of the manifest realm arise. I was prior
to all complexity and to all anxious adherence to such complexity.
I was pure bliss.
*
And at this point one might say that I was no longer an I. At this point
one might say I was no longer a point and the endless articulation
of elliptical illocutionary acts by the esurient onto-teleological
entities of the manifest realm seemed merely beside the point.
Or so I now maintain.
*
In any case, at some point I found myself congealing into the form of a
dwarf. It now seemed entirely logical that I was, and had always been,
a dwarf. My interest in baking seemed abated and I rose from my chair
with a sudden passion for metallurgy. I would descend into the mines
and seek out precious metals. |